Lyrica - The Shoe-Eating Wonderdrug

Alright, I am having a terrible day, and it is a super stressful and busy week for me, so I am going to tell a funny story because that is going to help me feel better. Some of you may have heard it already, but bear with me, it is worth retelling.

So, the second-last time I was in the hospital we had a really hard time getting my pain under control. We tried a few things, getting the pain management team on board, a weird cancer drug that made me throw up on command, and eventually, we wound up with me on Lyrica. The first few days were rough, but then my body adjusted to it pretty quickly. It takes about a month to take full effect, so I left the hospital without it kicking in or seeing much benefit.

The fact that I was prescribed Lyrica is actually kind of interesting. I think it actually shows how up to date on the research my doctor is, and I feel lucky for that. Lyrica is primarily used for a few different things, one of the most common ones being Fibromyalgia. It's also used for seizure disorders, for pain associated with shingles, less commonly for other neuropathic pain and it's also approved in the EU for anxiety. Apparently it's used in association with other anxiety medications. Apparently in Canada we just use Gabapentin (It's older cousin) instead. Anyway, the newer research on pancreatitis is that a significant amount of the pain is caused by nerve involvement. As the pancreas gets inflamed and damaged, it inflames and damages the nerves around the pancreas as well. Some of the more sophisticated pain management techniques can involve surgical nerve blocks of certain nerve centres close to the pancreas. Unfortunately those are temporary and must be repeated. They also sound kind of squicky. Lyrica acts as a neuropathic pain dampener, and I'd rather take a drug a couple of times a day than go through more chronic procedures.

Anyway, about a month after I started taking it, the Lyrica started to kick in for me, and when it did, it really kicked in. I had more energy than I had had in a long time. I started to be able to multi-task, crossing projects off my to-do list like a pro. I felt like this drug had been the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I was focusing better. There seemed no end to the list of benefits that I was getting from the drug. I didn't seem to be having many side effects from the drug either. The only one that we've been able to identify is these intense bursts of energy that I get where I have so much energy that I try to do 20 things at once and usually manage to get a whole raft of things done before the energy wears off. When I am not somewhere where I have the ability to try to accomplish 500 things at the same time, apparently most of that energy gets channeled into talking non-stop and I don't have the ability to sit still. It's a bit like I took uppers and then drank a lot of red bull. Once we ensured that I wasn't going manic on my medication, my doctors just kind of said to enjoy the highs. So long as I was in control and wasn't doing anything ridiculous it didn't sound like that bad a side effect to them.

Almost two weeks ago now, I came home from an appointment near my house and had one of these random bursts of energy. I'd walked home and I just couldn't sit still when I got there. I was all over the place, doing twenty things at the same time. I was trying to make and eat my lunch, making sure I took my meds first, email a million people before I had to leave the house again, was chatting on my phone, attempting to work on an assignment for school and also hang a magnetic board up in my room. All in a span of about 2 hours. I'm sure there were other things that I can't even remember anymore. I was all over my apartment and doing all kinds of different things.

As I was leaving the house I was distracted with a bunch of things that had happened simultaneously. My mom had just received some exciting news so she was texting me, a friend was having an emergency so she was texting me and I was on the phone for her, my sister had just come home, my dog needed out and I was running late for an appointment. When I got to my appointment I looked down at my feet and realized that I was wearing the wrong shoes. They look really similar to the shoes I wear on a day-to-day basis, but they were old and worn out and I'd just never gotten around to throwing them out. I made a mental note that I was wearing the wrong shoes and went on with my day.

That night when I got home I went to look for my shoes. I can't find them anywhere. I look around my apartment a little bit, but don't worry too much about it. The next day I begin searching my apartment in earnest. I ask my sister for help, we look everywhere that we can think of and we can't find them anywhere. At this point I decide that Lyrica must have stolen my shoes and post on Facebook and Tumblr that Lyrica stole my shoes.

That weekend my Dad and my brother are over at my apartment. I ask them for help looking for my shoes. They turn the place apart looking for my shoes. Even they can't find them. At this point I start contemplating buying new shoes.

At this point it's been almost two weeks and my shoes still haven't shown up. There is no sign of them anywhere. No ransom note from Lyrica demanding that I pledge my eternal allegiance to the drug or they will be gone for forever. There have been 4 separate people searching my apartment looking for them. I can't figure out how a pair of shoes managed to disappear in the space of 2 hours. The only explanation is that Lyrica is a shoe-eating wonderdrug. I'm certain as soon as I go buy another pair of shoes they will magically show up again. Then everyone will treat me like the Lyrica has managed to make me imagine the whole thing in the first place (Now, hallucinations are a side-effect worth coming off a drug for). This whole thing just baffles me.

Does anyone else see any other explanation here?